Accepting my ping-pong brain
In the early years of my advertising career, coming up with campaign concepts was an incredibly stressful experience.
We have a rule of threes in this business: always present three of everything. One concept/idea/plan will immediately stand out as the least interesting, and get nixed early on. That leaves two more concepts for the client to review, discuss, analyze, and compare + contrast. Clients like having two more feasible options to noodle, because it gives them choice, which puts them in a position of control. Most of the time, they’ll be unable to decide, and wind-up approving bits and pieces from each. We creatives can sometimes get frustrated with Franken-concepts, but we’re used to it. And getting something approved is lightyears better than being told to go back to the drawing board, so we’ll take it. True, the rule of threes may be a bit of psychological manipulation, but so is advertising itself, so it fits right in.
Anyway, when I was a writer, and later even as an ACD and CD, the first two concepts for a campaign were always easy for me to develop. It was almost like I was able to manifest them (either solo or with my team), and let whatever omniscient power or “big magic” was flowing through us just do its thing. But the third…the third concept was like torture. We’d have entire decks built out for Concepts 1 and 2, and feel pretty fantastic about both of them. But with two days left before the pitch, we’d be frantically trying to piece something coherent together for Concept 3. I always, always thought we’d fail. Whatever we managed to hodgepodge would certainly be the sacrificial lamb, getting killed just so the other two could live. Unless, of course, the client had terrible judgement and went with it, in which case, we’d be fucked. (Another rule in advertising—never, ever, ever present something you wouldn’t want to get approved, because if you do, the client will inevitably love that one.) Every time we we were down to the wire, feeling like we’d never get that elusive third concept to come together, something would happen—and with a spark of lightning and less that 24 hours to go, we’d nail it. And not just in the sense of “yep this one’s decent, we can roll with it,” but in the sense of “oh shit, this might be even better than our first two.”
This pattern happened predictably every damn time. And yet, for maybe ten years, I endured incredible stress, self-doubt, and sleeplessness for those 48 hours before the pitch where I felt like we’d never pull it off. It took me over a decade to realize that this was just the way my brain and my process worked. And that maybe I could skip the fear if I leaned into the process, rather than fighting it.
That’s what I’ve been doing ever since, and I no longer worry when we’ve got something due in two days and it’s not 100% there yet. I have faith that we’ll make it happen. And we always do. Without the added theatrics.
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For the last two weeks, I’ve been bouncing around between different feelings of anxitement (anxiety + excitement), straight-up anxiety, spacious contentment, overwhelming sleepiness, and idea overdrive. And much like I’d flip out while trying to develop that third campaign concept, when this ping-ponging happens, I start to question my sanity and stability. “Why am I like this? I thought I had this figured out? Am I broken again?” But on my morning walk with Rubes today, maybe thanks to all the fresh mountain air, my brain made an unexpected connection.
WHAT IF…what if all of this ping-ponging doesn’t actually mean that there’s anything wrong with me? What if, like leaning into my process for campaign concepting, I just need to accept and lean-into the fact that this is how my mind operates?
When I’m emotionally invested in something I’m working on, I’m going to be anxited about it, and that’s OK.
When I start questioning why I’m anxited, I get straight-up anxious. That’s OK, too, but maybe I can skip that step by just realizing that it’s fine a little earlier on.
When I naturally take a breather and my mind feels spacious, I don’t need to question why I’m not anxited anymore. I can just let it be.
And when I’m tired, I don’t need to try to analyze what’s been wearing me down. I just need to take a nap.
After that little “aha!” moment, something else pretty interesting happened. I noticed myself floating into “idea overdrive” mode. Ideas for the class I’m building. Ideas for reaching out to someone I want to connect with. Ideas for more mental health and emotional awareness programs I want to develop. Letting go of judging my ping-pong brain opened up the flood-gates for even more ideas.
It also made me realize that I can enjoy the process of having all these ideas, without putting pressure on myself to make them happen.
I can BE inspired, without DOING anything next.
WOAH.
Maybe my default mode isn’t to relax, and veg out, and binge-watch TV. Maybe it’s OK if that, in-and-of-itself, makes me anxious, and I’m more balanced and spacious when I give my mind permission to go wherever it wants.
Maybe all of this ping-ponging is just who I am. And instead of fighting it, I just need to lean in.