Don’ts and Dos

I don’t want to be caught in this endless cycle of feeling invincible and then invisible, one leading back to the other like the chicken and the egg.

I don’t want to hold my tongue and my truth for the comfort of others, even if their discomfort also leads to mine.

I don’t want to be questioned for my constant questioning, my need to know why and how and what can we do to make this life better.

I don’t want to be stuck in the “on” position, only slowing down when I finally break down.

I don’t want to be known as the compassionate one, the understanding one, because being all of those things, with no one to be them for me, is a weight that’s too much to carry. 

I don’t want to constantly be monitoring and observing myself from the outside, through everyone else’s eyes.

I don’t want to raise my kids in a culture that strips people of their rights, rather than granting them more autonomy, more wholeness, more freedom to show up as themselves.

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I do want choose me.

I do want to say “fuck it” to everyone’s expectations, including my own.

I do want to be able to speak my mind and my heart without fear of repercussion or reproach.

I do want to be wild and have 1000 different ideas and share them with everyone for the taking, without being told they’re too much, not right, or not right for right now.

I do want to show my kids that rules are meant to be learned and questioned and then broken in the spirit of love.

I do want to love myself fully, outside and in, and have that be enough.

I do want to ask my mom what happened to her.

I do want to know what else is out there.