For letting go

Universe, Higher Power, Inner Goddess,
whatever nametag you feel like wearing today,
help me let go of these parts of myself that are so hard to release:

The closet full of clothes I used to fit into
(I’ve moved them to the back, at least)

The impossible ideal of being everything to everyone at all times
(isn’t that what moms are supposed to do?)

Needing someone to say they’re sorry before I can forgive them
(it would be nice, but forgiveness is ultimately for me)

Trying to change or fix people, including myself
(acceptance feels like resignation, though)

Spending too much time working to understand the past
(it can’t be anything other than what it was)

Looking for external validation of my value and my worth
(not even from my bedroom mirror)

The optimistic notion that I will ever make it to the gym if it’s not in my basement
(I really need to cancel that membership)

Feeling guilty for spending money on myself
(when we already spend so much on the kids)

Wanting my daughter to be less like me
(you know what they say about the apple)

Expecting my husband to read my mind
(he’s not a magician, I know, I know)

The urge to distract myself from uncomfortable feelings rather than sit with them
(it’s a hard habit to break)

Feeling responsible for other people’s reactions to expressing my needs
(that’s beyond my realm of control)

The voice in my head that keeps telling me if I’m not striving or accomplishing, I’m not really anything
(she’s a loud one some days)

All the other versions of myself I’ve ever been, or ever will be
(the only one that matters is the one who’s here right now)

As I sit here, reflecting,
may I be able to let go of each of these things,
and anything else that arises from them,
for the greatest good of my heart and my soul,
and the greatest good of those I love.