Impatience is a virtue, too

I am not a patient human. I know this about myself, and will freely admit it to anyone who asks (as well as those who don’t). When I want something done, I want it done now. Why waste time hemming-and-hawing when you can take immediate action and move on to the next thing?

In some ways, my penchant for quick decision-making goes against my “maximizer” nature. (Check out this article on maximizers vs. satisficers for all the deets.) I am always looking for the best option. The best deal. The most inclusive package. And yet, once I feel as though I’ve found it, I am quick to pull the trigger. I’m confident that all the work or thinking I’ve done up-until that point is valid, and that I have all the info I need to make a solid decision. Hotel room booked. New shoes purchased. Job decision made. (OK, except for that one time that it took me a week to make an incredibly complex job decision and I was nauseous and unsteady the whole time. But once I made the decision, did I commit? Sure did. And it was a damn good decision, too.)

However…I recognize that not everyone shares this same confidence in their decisions, or I suppose, in themselves, which can turn what I would see as a very logical next step into a long, drawn out, overly-analyzed process that makes me want to jump out of my skin. I have a highly-somatic response to these kinds of situations. Every cell in my body feels anxious. I want to scream: “we all know how this is going to end up anyway, so can we please make the f-ing decision already and move on, for f’s sake??” But of course, that would be rude. Or aggressive. Or disrespectful of other people’s opinions. All of which I have been told that I can be, particularly in my professional life. So instead of speaking up, I hold my tongue. I sit on my hands. And the anxiety only grows stronger.

I am an Enneagram Three, an Achiever. So all this makes sense.

Threes are self-assured, attractive, and charming. Ambitious, competent, and energetic, they can also be status-conscious and highly driven for advancement. They are diplomatic and poised, but can also be overly concerned with their image and what others think of them. They typically have problems with workaholism and competitiveness. At their Best: self-accepting, authentic, everything they seem to be—role models who inspire others.

While they are the primary type in the Feeling Center, Threes, interestingly, are not known as “feeling” people; rather, they are people of action and achievement.

Me. Me. Me all day.

Although, if I’m being honest, I don’t agree with not being known as a “feeling” person. I have worked very hard to achieve the credentials to be seen that way. (Yes, the irony there was intentional.)

It might just be hardwired into who I am, this impatience. And I know it can be irritating for the people around me, especially the ones who are on the opposite end of the spectrum, who believe in a slow, more free-flowing approach to things. I specifically didn’t say “methodical,” however, because my approach is actually very methodical, too. I DO gather information. I DO ask questions. I DO try to come up with multiple options, play them all out in my head, and figure out which path I think is going to lead to the best result, with the least drawbacks and the most benefits for everyone involved. And then…I commit.

Maybe it’s because I believe that it’s OK to be wrong and to change my mind later on? I understand how folks who have more drawn-out processes may want to wait until they have every last bit of information, so that they can feel confident that no mind-changing will be needed in the future. But that’s never guaranteed. Even the most sound and lengthy decision-making processes can still wind-up leading to an unintended outcome. If there’s an equal chance of your slow decision being just as wrong or right as my swift decision, I’d rather spend that time evaluating what happens and adjusting as needed. It’s sort of like in-market testing in advertising. Sure, you can spend a shit-ton of money on focus groups to help you decide which campaign to run, but in the end, they’re providing you with their opinions in a controlled environment, which might be vastly different from what would happen if you tested two campaigns in-market with real consumers. You might get some backlash if one’s really off the mark, but at least you have actual data to use to pivot for what’s next.

I’m not writing this blog to convince anyone to make faster decisions, although I think that would be nice. And useful. And logical. And more productive. (OK, so maybe I am?)

But more so, I think I’m writing it because I have so much anxiety built-up in my body right now from some decisions that I believe are taking FAR too long to make, and I need an outlet for all of it because otherwise it’s going to explode…and I don’t want to have to deal with the repercussions.

We probably need both kinds of people in the world: patient ones who bring calm deliberateness to things, and impatient ones who are prone to swift, decisive action. Maybe they both have their pros and cons, and while some situations might require a more lengthy approach, others can be solved swiftly. I’m sure there’s a balance somewhere. There always is.

But right now, I feel entirely out of balance. And my impatience is struggling to stay quiet for much longer.